Stupi was not born. He fell out of a coconut tree. The guy who found him looked at him for an hour. He was asking himself if it was better to leave the whisky alone. Because what he saw could not be real. Then he heard a whisper: "Daddy...?" His heart melted and he took the bundle home. 

He was a poor man, with a little house and a small door. Every time he bumped his head when he entered. Also this time... Beng! 

His wife cried out: "Stupi !" (She could not pronounce the "D", because she missed her front teeth. ) Her husband, who had a head like a rock after bumping for already 6000 times, shouted: "That's a nice name for our new son!" And so Stupi got his name. And a lot more. 

He was surrounded by love. And when his father found a suitcase filled with dollars (probably lost by a drug dealer) he got everything money could buy. He went to the best schools in the world: Oxford, Harvard, Trinity. Where he kept the restrooms bright and shiny.

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There he became restroom wise. Every professor and student who came in, taught him something. And after many years he could not only understand Einstein's relativity theory, but corrected it. He also learned to know everything about sex, drugs and rock & roll. And why penguins don't fly.

One of our staff members met him one day. And when he asked Stupi whether he could help our readers with their problems and could answer their questions, Stupi became enthusiastic. "Yes, yes!" he shouted. 

And that's why you have the unique opportunity to ask Stupi whatever you want. And don't be afraid. Because Stupi says: "There are no stupid questions, only stupid answers. And I have a lot of them."

"I have a problem: I steal things. Only small stuff. I cannot help it. I do it in supermarkets, hotels, at people's homes. I'm in therapy for years already. It doesn't help. What can I do?

Bob

Bob, there's only one thing left... wear boxing gloves all day! Not only it's impossible to take things away, but everybody is watching you all the time. You don't even get the chance to think about stealing anymore. But watch out when you're going to the bathroom!

I have a small car and a very big girlfriend. Every time when we take the car it's a gigantic battle for my girfriend to get into the car. Getting out is even worse. Is there a solution for us?

Chris. 

Ok Chris, probably you don't have the money to buy a bigger car. And you love your girlfriend to much to dump her. This is what you can do: take off the roof of your car. Rip the doors out and tell everybody you bought a new beach car. The latest fashion in California. The only thing you have to buy are two umbrellas, in case it's raining. 

My neigbour's cat is always eating the goldfish from the pond in my garden. It costs me a fortune to replace them every time. Can you help me with this problem?

Susanne

Susanne, Susanne, the solution to your problem is so simple. Buy a couple of piranha's instead of goldfish. There won't be a cat around your pond anymore.

My wife has a dog and we live at the tenth floor. Every day I have to let my wife's dog out a couple of times. She refuses to do it. It's to dangerous for a woman alone on the street, she says. Especially when it's raining I hate the job... going down ten floors and getting soaking wet! What should I do? My wife loves the animal to much to bring it back to the pet shop.

Arthur

Arthur, You could get rid of your wife and the dog as well. But if that's not an option for you this is what you could do: buy a couple of long ropes. Attach them to the dog's collar and tail. Open the window and lower the dog gently till he reaches the street. Then let him walk around for a few minutes till he has done what he has to do. Pull him inside again and give the animal a cookie. You don't get wet this way and you can sit comfortably in your chair during the whole job.

I have to cook every day of the week. My husband refuses to do anything in the kitchen. And he never wants to go to a restaurant. Stupi, is there a way that I don't have to cook so much and we can have dinner in some nice restaurant from time to time? 

Cathy.

Oh yes Cathy, there is a way. Put several dots of nail polish on your hands and tell your husband that you have some strange infectious African disease. I'm sure he doesn't want to see you around the kitchen anymore. Then give him the solution to the unhappy situation: a fine restaurant. But don't forget to cover your hands when you are dining. If the manager sees them he will throw you out.