Great lines from Job Evaluations
From: Human Resources
To: General Manager
I would not allow this employee to
breed.
This associate is not so much of a has-been,
but more definitely a won't be.
Works well when under constant supervision
and cornered like a rat in a trap.
When she opens her mouth, it seems it is only
to change whatever foot was previously there.
He would be out of his depth in a parking lot
puddle.
This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
He set low personal standards and then
consistently fails to achieve them.
This employee is depriving a village somewhere
of an idiot.
This employee should go far, and the sooner
he starts, the better.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard
was not looking.
A room temperature IQ.
Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing
to hold it together.
A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than
an ordinary ignoramus.
A photographic memory but with the lens
cover glued on.
A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
Bright as Alaska in December.
One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests.
Donated his brain to science before he
was done using it.
Fell out of the family tree.
Gates are down, lights are flashing, but
the train isn't coming.
Has two brains: one is lost; the other one
is out looking for it.
He's so dense, light bends around him.
If brains were taxed, she would get a refund.
Of he were anymore stupid, he'd have to be
watered twice a week.
If you give him a penny for his thoughts,
you will get change.
If you stand close enough to him, you
can hear the ocean.
It is hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000
other sperm.
One neuron short of a synapse.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge,
he only gargled.
Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes.
Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
Since my last report, this employee has
reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
His men would follow him anywhere, but
only out of morbid curiosity.
