Christmas
at Starship Voyager
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all
through the ship
Not a
circuit was buzzing, not one microchip;
The
phasers were hung in the arm'ry securely,
In
hope that no aliens would get up early.
*
The crewmen were nestled all snug in their
bunks
(Except for the few
who were partying drunks);
And Janeway in her nightshirt and B'Elanna in her lace,
Had
just settled down for a neat face-to-face.
*
When out in the halls there arose such a
racket,
That we leapt from
our beds, pulling on pants and jacket.
Away
to the lifts we all shot like a gun,
Leapt
into the cars and yelled loudly, "Deck One!"
*
The bridge Red-Alert lights, which flashed
through the din,
Gave a
luster of Hades to objects within.
When,
what, on the viewscreen, should our eyes behold,
But
a weird kind of sleigh, and some geek who looked old.
*
But the glint in his eyes was so strange and
askew,
That we knew in a
moment it had to be Q.
His
sleigh grew larger as closer he came.
Then
he zapped on the bridge and addressed us by name;
*
"It's Tom! It's Kim! It's
Tuvok and Janeway!
It's B'Elanna! And Neelix, and the old
Chakotay!
To
the top of the bridge, to the top of the hall!
Now
float away, float away, float away all!"
*
As leaves in autumn are whisked off the street,
So the floor of the bridge came away from our
feet,
And up the ceiling
our bodies they flew,
As
the captain called out, "What the hell is this Q?!"
*
The
prankster just laughed and expanded his grin,
And,
snapping his fingers, he vanished again.
As
we took in our plight and were looking around,
The
spell was removed, and we crashed to the ground.
*
The Q, dressed in fur from his head to his toe,
Appeared once again to continue the show.
"That's enough!" cried the captain,
"You'll stop this at once!"
And Tuvok said, "Tom! Take your aim at this dunce!"
*
"I'm
deeply offended, Kathryn," replied Q.
"I
just wanted to spend Christmas with you."
As
we scoffed at his words, he produced a large sack.
He
dumped out the contents, and took a step back.
*
"I've brought gifts," he said,
"just to show I'm sincere.
There's
something delightful for everyone here."
He
sat on the floor and dug into the pile,
And
handed out gifts with his most charming smile.
*
"For B'Elanna, there's no need to
explain,
Here's Klingon-Tylenol for all of your pain.
For Neelix I've got mints as his breath's not too great,
And
for sexy Tom, an inflatable date.
*
For Kim, some hormones, and Clearasil-Plus:
For Tuvok, a joke book; for the Doctor, a truss.
For Kathryn Janeway, there's sleek lingerie,
And for Chakotay, the thrill of seeing her that
way."
*
Then he sprang to his feet with that grin on
his face,
And, clapping his
hands, disappeared into space.
But
we heard him exclaim as he dwindled from sight,
"Merry
Christmas to all, and to all a good flight!"
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FRONTPAGE
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