T'was the night before X-mas - Old Santa was pissed

He curssed out the elves and threw down his list 

Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks, 

I have good mind to scrap the whole works 

I've busted my ass for damn near a year 

Instead of "Thanks Santa" - what do I hear 

The old lady bitches cause I work late at night 

The elves want more money - the reindeer all fight 

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids 

Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS 

And just when I thought that things would get better 

Those assholes from IRS sent me a letter 

They say I owe taxes - if that ain't damn funny 

Who the hell ever sent Santa Clause any money 

And the kids these days - they all are the pits 

They want the impossible ... Those mean little shits 

I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds 

Assembling dolls... Their arms, legs and heads 

I made a ton of yo yo's - No request for them 

They want computers and robots... they think I'm IBM! 

Flying through the air... dodging the trees 

Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees 

I'm quitting this job... there's just no enjoyment 

I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment 

There's no X-mas this year... now you know the reason 

I found me a blonde.. I'm going SOUTH for the season!