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Meeting
While
visiting the U.K. Winnie Mandela was invited to a cocktail party
which was to be attended by Margaret Thatcher. When she saw the
ex-prime minister on the other side of the room she barged past
everyone, causing several drinks to spill on the way.
Winnie stood brazenly in front of Maggie and declared:
"I hear they call you the iron lady?"
"I
have been referred to by that name, yes.", replied Maggie,
"and who, may I ask, are you?"
"I
am the iron lady of South Africa!" bragged Winnie, waving her
fist in the air.
"Oh
yes.", replied Maggie, "and for whom do you
iron?"
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Buddy
Rodney
walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two
shots.
One for me and one for my best buddy here."
The bartender says, "You want both drinks now or do you
want me to wait until your buddy arrives to pour his?"
Rodney says, "Oh, I want them both now. I've got my
best buddy in my pocket here." With that he pulls out a
little 3-inch man from his pocket.
The bartender says, "Wow! And you mean to say he can
drink that much?"
"Oh, sure. He can drink it all, and then some."
So the bartender poured the two shots. Sure enough, the
little guy drinks it all up.
"That's
amazing," says the bartender. "What else can
he do? Can he walk?"
Rodney flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says,
"Hey Al, go get that quarter!"
The
little guy runs down to the end of the bar, picks up the
quarter, and runs back down and gives it to Rodney.
The bartender is totally amazed by this display.
"That's
amazing," he says,
"what else can he do? Does he talk?"
Rodney looks up at the bartender with a look of surprise in
his eye and squawks, "Talk? Sure he talks.
Hey
Al, tell him about that time we were in down in Africa on
safari and you insulted that witch doctor!"
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Confession
This
fellow comes to confession.
"Father,
he said, forgive me for I have sinned."
The
priest asked, "What did you do, my son?"
"I
lusted," the young man replied.
"Tell
me about it," the priest said.
The
fellow then related his story. "Father, I am a
deliveryman for UPS. Yesterday I was making a
delivery in the affluent section of the city. When I
rang the bell, the door opened and there stood the most
beautiful woman I have ever seen. She had long blonde hair
and eyes like emeralds. She was dressed in a sheer
dressing gown that showed her perfect figure.
And,
she asked if I would like to come in."
"And,
what did you do, my son?" asked the priest.
"Father,
I did not go in the house but I lusted. Oh, how I
lusted," replied the man.
"Your
sin has been forgiven," replied the priest.
"You
will get your reward in heaven, my son."
"A
reward, father? What do you think my reward might be?"
the guy asked.
The
priest replied, "I think a bale of hay would be
appropriate, you jackass." |
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Hunters
A
couple of Arkansas hunters are out in the woods when one of
them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The
other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I
do?"
The
operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it
easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There
is a silence, then a shot is heard...
The
hunter says, "OK, now what?"
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Wijsheid
Een
Hoogleraar Filosofie staat voor de klas. Hij neemt een lege
bokaal,
vult deze met keien en vraagt vervolgens aan de klas: "Is de
bokaal nu
vol?"
Er
wordt bevestigend geantwoord.
Dan
neemt hij een handvol kiezelsteentjes en gooit deze in de bokaal,
waardoor de steentjes tussen de keien door op hun plaats vallen.
Wederom vraagt hij: "Is de bokaal nu vol?"
En
opnieuw antwoordt de klas bevestigend.
Dan
neemt hij een handvol zand en gooit dat in de bokaal. Nadat het
zand z'n weg tussen de keien en de kiezels heeft gevonden, vraagt
de hoogleraar: "En, is de bokaal nu vol?"
Andermaal
wordt er bevestigend geantwoord.
"Wel,"
zegt de Professor, "de bokaal; dat is je leven, de keien, dat
zijn de essentiele dingen in je leven: je vrouw, je gezondheid...,
de kiezelsteentjes zijn de dingen die belangrijk zijn: je werk, je
hobbies... en het zand; dat zijn de extra's:
luxe, een nieuwe wagen...
De
filosofie die hierachter steekt is dat je eerst je leven moet
vullen met de essentiele dingen, want als je begint met de
extra's, het zand, dan is er geen plaats meer voor wat echt
belangrijk is.
Zijn
er hierover nog vragen?"
Staat
er een jongen op in de klas, met in zijn hand een blik bier,
hetgeen
hij leeg giet boven de bokaal. Het bier vloeit tussen het zand, de
steentjes en de keien door.
Moraal
van het verhaal:
Hoe
vol je leven ook is, voor bier is altijd plaats!
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Jokes